Invisible

     Sometimes I am sure that I am invisible.  Have you ever felt that way?  Your kids act as if they have not heard you tell them to take care of their homework, to pick up their dirty laundry, to not ride their bikes into the road with out looking.  You have told them more than once and your voice gets continually louder!   (I am pretty sure that you don't want to admit that you end up yelling but most of us have been there)  How can they not hear you...the only logical answer?  You're invisible.  There are many other examples but I am not going to dwell on it.  The purpose of this blog is to let you all know that I have been down lately...and how I am trying to pick myself up.  
    I was sitting with my family during fellowship supper at church last night and I felt totally invisible.  I know that you could hear us (I mean you can't take 4 active kids anywhere without people knowing about it.)  Nobody stopped to sit near us or chat with us about our lives.  We were invisible.  As I was sitting there trying to understand it I wondered if anyone would notice if we left. (Aside from the quiet)  Would anyone notice if we changed our "pattern" of church, school, home etc?  Would it matter to anyone besides us? 
We live our lives with a goal in mind.  What do we want to be remembered for?  Will we be remembered at all?
     I love my husband and my kids and they let me know regularly that I matter to them. You should see how eager my husband is to be able to take out for supper when the kids go to Wednesday night class.  He sees me.  You should see how hard the kids have been working to help out around the house and make my life easier since I have been working.  I know that they see me and I am comforted by that.  I can't help but wonder sometimes about the rest of the people that I come in contact with?  Do they really SEE me?
    I was sitting here this morning fighting against the depression that sometimes overtakes me.  I talked about some of these things with my sister (Thanks Alison)  She convinced me that I could blog about this without being a whiner or complainer. Then I remembered Psalm 139 and it spoke to me today...let me remind you:

Psalm 139:1-19

O Lord, You have examined me and know me.

When I sit down or stand up You know it;

You discern my thoughts from afar.

You observe my walking and reclining,

and are familiar with all my ways.

There is not a word on my tongue but that You,
 O Lord, know it well.

You hedge me before and behind;

You lay Your hand upon me.

It is beyond my knowledge;  it is a mystery;
I cannot fathom it.

Where can I escape from Your spirit? 

Where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there; 
if I descend to Sheol, You are there too.

If I take wing with the down
 to come to rest on the western horizon,

even there Your hand will be guiding me,
Your right hand will be holding me fast.

If I say, "Surely darkness will conceal me,
night will provide me with cover,"

darkness is not dark for You; night is as light as day;

It was You who created my conscience;

You fashioned me in my mother's womb.

I PRAISE YOU,

for I am awesomely, wondrously made;
 Your work is wonderful; I know it very well.

My frame was not concealed from You
when I was shaped in a hidden place,

knit together in the recesses of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed limbs;
 they were all recorded in Your book;

in due time they were formed to the very last one of them.

How weighty Your thoughts seem to me,
O God, how great their number! 

 I count them--they exceed the grains of sand;
I end--but am still with You.

I am not as invisible as I sometimes feel and that is powerful to me!